Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle
Not that beetle. A bit smaller with legs, eh?

Announced at a press conference in Bern, Switzerland this morning, a joint effort between Universitätsleitung Seniorenuniversität at Bern, and HNE Eberswalde University in Brandenburg, Germany has yielded a new species of insect eating beetle that targets crop damaging pests..

Heralded as one of the most important advances in agricultural pest control, the new beetle can eat three times its own considerable body weight in insects per day. "And its feces is a natural fertilizer for the crop it is protecting", says German Biologist Hans Von Weiner. Partnering with Swiss gene splicing specialist Johann Wingis, the two combined the best traits of the common dung beetle with the Japanese beetle. "What we got was a hybrid insect with the voracious appetite of the dung beetle, and the ability to multiply quickly like the Japanese beetle", says Von Weiner.

"We still have a few drawbacks however", says Wingis. "It doesn't move too fast, so sneaking up on your competition is a bit difficult. It's also a bit oddly shaped so it isn't really aerodynamic at all in transit, but it does come in a variety of pretty colors and it does serve a basic function at an affordable price to the agricultural consumer".

Taking the last name initials from the two biologists and in an attempt to properly name the new insect strain, Von Weiner announced, "We're calling it the VW Bug"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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