Old people aren't dying like they used to!

Written by KendoMonkey

Wednesday, 16 July 2003

A strange phenomenon has gripped the western coast of Britain - a phenomenon that scientists are at pains to resolve. It appears that the elderly in the area are living forever and not snuffing it. A scientist egg-head from the University of Bristol, Jeff Bloom said:

"It's really, really odd."

Some elderly in an old-folks home in Waterby-on-Lume are now more than 136 years old, and are being fed little more than a piece of candy per day.

"It's really, really odd," said Jeff Bloom, scientist. "These people should have died about 40-50 years ago. There's no way in hell they should still be going swimming and stuff in that pool with the big egg in it."

Elderly man, Bernie Wintrum told us:

"I'm 123, so I'm a young nipper compared to some of those around here." At that point many of Mr Wintrum's friends came running by in bathing costumes and towel-flicked us. "Y'see - I'm the butt of all their jokes because I'm the baby of the bunch.

"I can't explain what's going on," Mr Wintrum explained, "but I can tell you that I feel absolutely brilliant. Must be something in the water...or maybe the candy."

Scientists from all over the world are now said to be on mass exodus to the area where hopefully they can gain some insights into the strange goings on.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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