Written by Elizabeth

Wednesday, 27 April 2005

image for GMO Development Shock
2% of the GMO chicken yesterday

Recent developments in Genetic Engineering have horrified animal welfare experts in Norfolk, England - the traditional home of poultry farming and His Royal Highness, The Prince of Wales.

Genetically Modified Organisms, or GMOs, are created by mad scientists who transfer the genetic make-up from one living organism to another, usually in a shed at the bottom of their garden.

The most recent abomination against God's creations is a chicken with one hundred legs, developed to satisfy demand owing to the rapid growth of high street fast food outlets selling chicken-based meal deals. An unemployed animal rights activist commented, "This is cruelty beyond belief! How is a chicken supposed to exercise 100 legs in order to make sure they have an even distribution of meat? This is worse than beagles smoking and pigs wearing make-up."

An inside source has informed us that the genetic make-up of a centipede was transplanted into the humble chicken's DNA, as mating was proving ineffectual. "We tried everything so they'd get it on before we embarked on this radical procedure," said Dr. Frank N. Stein, a research scientist who wished to remain anonymous. "Romantic dinners, candle light, soft music - even Viagra and interspecies pornography, but there was just no chemistry there at all."

A spokesperson for a famous fried chicken restaurant chain originating some somewhere outside the European Union, most likely from America's Deep South, said, "directing that accusation directly at our organisation is absolutely ridiculous. Sure, we've been working with some scientists, but they were using millipedes, definitely not centipedes and with the full backing of shareholders".

One Norfolk poultry farmer invested heavily in the new breed of poultry, called the henipede. The results of his venture were not so "bootiful" and he now faces financial ruin. "We haven't been able to catch a single one of those birds yet," he cursed. "If they'd developed a chicken with a hundred arses, I'd have made a killing in eggs!"

Press representative of the Life, Embryo and Genetic Society (LEGS), Rear Admiral McSaunders-King, would neither confirm or deny the rumour, "I can neither confirm or deny the rumour" he said in a Southern drawl whilst licking his fingers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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