The "Silencer" Puts An End To Annoying Cell Phone Users

Funny story written by rfreed

Monday, 28 June 2010


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image for The "Silencer" Puts An End To Annoying Cell Phone Users
One device not mentioned- the self shocking I Pod for those trying to kick the habit.

Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called "The Silencer". This fresh creation shuts down any irritating cell phones in the users vicinity making them inoperable.

It is in such demand that they can now only be found for purchase on the Internet. The Silencer will shut up any cellphone anywhere, anytime within a 10 foot radius of the user. The machine has brought blessed silence, peace and quiet to the thousands of customers who already possess them.

The Silencer uses a which pitched frequency to disrupt the signals cell phones receive, often causing a high pitched whine in the cell users ear, a plus many appreciate in the Silencers usage as it gives back to the cell user a bit of the annoyance experienced by those around him.

The effect this device has had on cell phone usage over all has been dramatic. The constant interruption during movies, plays, weddings, in libraries, at funerals, in church and other functions have dropped incredibly. Scientists have noted that the disruption of teenagers constant babbling into their personal phones at every conceivable moment has resulted in their having longer attention spans and improving grades in school. Auto accidents caused by cell phone distraction have been drastically reduced.

Cell phone manufacturers have been screaming since the Silencer has caught on. Sales of cell phones and their usage has drop magnificently (from our point of view.)

"This is a violation of right to free speech. What kind of a country is this if people can't babble mindlessly for hours for no reason?" exclaimed Cacophonous Cells CEO Cal Ibrated.

"This device represents the destruction of American enterprise." stated Endless Chatter inventor Milos Alot, over looking the fact that most cell phones are made in China, Taiwan or Finland while the Silencer is a 100% American made product. 

Legislators seem to be taking their time deciding on the matter of infringement in this case as they too are enjoying the freedom from the constant ringing and blathering that comes with the cell phones popularity explosion.

Further inventions that Freedom From Cellular will be presenting in the near future include TV disruptors, computer game disruptors, overly loud I-Pod and MP3 disruptors and a number of Americans are investing in the development of a pacemaker interrupter for use on Dick Cheney specifically. Some really twisted individuals are also working on the development of a vibrator disruptor.

An unfortunate downside to the Silencer is that it high pitched frequency sets off dogs in the area which can in turn be more annoying than the cells themselves. Another drawback is that people caught using the Silencer have been know to be pelted with non-functioning cell phones or getting "cell phone whipped" by those rare people actually engaged in an important call.

Author's note- The above article is a spoof, however I will gladly pay $100 to anyone who can actually come up with such a device. Or an I-Pod disruptor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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