Will Google celebrate the Summer Solstice with a tired old drawing of Stonehenge at sunrise?

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Sunday, 20 June 2010

image for Will Google celebrate the Summer Solstice with a tired old drawing of Stonehenge at sunrise?
What? Not again!

Questions were being asked this evening regarding Google's plans for celebrating the Summer Solstice. A hastily convened panel of experts was assembled over the Internet to debate the issue.

Boris Johnson, in South Africa to promote the UK's 2018 World Cup ambitions, but mostly to watch the footie, said he thought Google would stick to a tried and trusted formula. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," he stated, "Oh but yes, if it is broke, uh, yes, do fix it. Oh and let's all embrace the uh, the bid, I mean back it, you know, for 2018. Multimillion investments and jumpers for corner flags and all that. We need a powerful image that says 'Solstice' but, uh, also says '2018'."

Chancellor George Osborne says Google is on the "road to ruin" if "tough" action is not taken in their budget for artwork. "There is a huge deficit which has been inherited, and we must all tighten our belts and accept that the sad old picture of Stonehenge is inevitable. But that's a good thing. But tough."

Fabio Capello was much more upbeat. "Yes, we have had two last years of having the samesuch pictures at the solstice, of the sun coming up, but we must now put it all behind us now and concentrate now on winning this next solstice. Then it will be all OK."

Andy Murray was more stoical. "You know it's not really the solstice that's important, it's the equinoxes that really count. I've always maintained that my own massive personal physical powerful muscle strength is in the Equinox, and Google would do well to remember that."

Tony Hayward, fresh from attending a yacht race on the Isle of Wight said he thought it was a lot of fuss over nothing. "It's a really big Internet, and Google's choice of doodle for the solstice is negligible. If it fails we can erase it with tinsel and gummy bears and the plebs'll probably not even notice. I'll be rather pleased when I can forget about it all, and get back to my humble life."

The One Show's Christine Bleakley said "I really can't decide between Google's solstice celebrations or Bing's. But then I can't decide between Coke or Pepsi, or coke or coal or Pepsi or Shirley. I think my future is probably with Pepsi, ITV and Google, but then maybe I'm wrong. Still it's nice everyone cares so much about me. And Google. Or Bing and the BBC."

"Look, I'll be absolutely honest with you because you deserve that," said an exasperated Simon Cowell, pausing to look off to one side, "If you had come out here with something new that you had created yourself I would have voted for you. But if it's the old picture of Stonehenge that your mum put together, I think you've blown it. Sorry, but I do."

Well there we have it. The panel has spoken. Will Google listen? Will they even have a solstice doodle? Well yes they will, unless they celebrate the first day of Wimbledon instead, in which case just forget it.

I know I have.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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