A vertical shalf of 8,000 miles is to be built connecting the twin cities of Ascension in Paraguay and Taipai in Taiwan - which also happen to be antipodes.
"There are no 2 points on earth further apart than our cities. Paying a visit to our friends in Ascension is a very long haul, usually involving about 30hrs of flying and transit. A tunnel will reduce our journey time to just 40 minutes." said the Mayor of Taipai.
The project promises to be easily the most ambitious engineering feat ever attempted with several cubic miles of earth and minerals excavated to the surface.
"The hardest part will be the 3000 miles drilling through the earths molten core which we will have to cool with sea water and dynamite one piece at a time. At the middle the tunnel walls will need to be 100m thick with a cooling water jacket to cope with the 'incredible' temperatures and pressures of the earths centre."
The project will be financed from the enormous array of valuable minerals likely to be brought to the surface and hydrothemal generators, but unions have complained it will take workers several days just to have a fag break outside.
When completed the tunnel system will become a vacuum to allow users to reach maximum velocity on transit meaning spacesuits will become 'de rigueur' for passengers. Luggage will be 'thrown down' after them.
The laws of gravity mean passengers will accelerate to about 25,000mph through the centre in about 20 minutes after which they will gradually slow down to a stop on the other side where they will be 'caught' by tunnel wardens.
It is extremely important they are caught firmly and taken to one side or they will spend another 40 minutes returning back to their start destination. Worse still they could impact travellers coming the other way with a force that could 'split their atoms' - leaving radioactive debris hovering in the middle - blocking the route.
Explorers meanwhile are upset the project is going ahead as it is likely to affect the earths magnetic field - putting a new 'north pole' somewhere in Africa.
