Facebook confirms privacy revamp; DNA sampling no longer required, fingerprinting requirements under review

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

image for Facebook confirms privacy revamp; DNA sampling no longer required, fingerprinting requirements under review
Facebook: a law unto itself.

Social network giant Facebook will roll out a new set of privacy settings to all its users starting on 26 May.

The company said it will post the details on its blog, which is only accessible if you join Facebook.

Facebook faced a barrage of criticism from users over a series of privacy downgrades that left its members unsure about how public their information had become, particularly when they discovered Facebook information had replaced FBI documenting and was the source for 64% of all police arrests made on outdated warrants.

Some profile owners have threatened to quit the site on 31 May in protest. Founder Mark Fuckerberg admitted the company had "missed the mark".

"I can confirm that our new, simpler privacy settings are starting to roll out tomorrow evening so stay signed in to Facebook's corporate blog for more details," said a spokesperson, who was then heard to mutter,"If people could just keep their pie-holes shut, this would never...oh, is the microphone still on?"

Facebook's whipping boy Chris Cox described the last few weeks as "extremely humbling. We'd been under the impression we were omnipotent, only to find that we're only omniscent and omnipresent. So, God wins."

Last year, Facebook data was opened up to third party websites, including the FBI, Interpol, credit ratings sources, NIH, the top twenty major employers in the US, USPS and the Masonic Order. Facebook data includes your spending habits, health status, phone records, webcam photos taken while the devices were allegedly in 'off' mode and what Aunt Margie sent you for Christmas.

Its current privacy policy has 50 different settings and 170 options, none of which actually promote privacy.

Stay signed in to the Facebook corporate blog for updates, said 'updates' going in both directions.

Sign in at your own risk.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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