Scientists studying Hell and Evil have uncovered a shocking truth: the Devil you know is probably a much nicer guy than the Devil you don't know.
Listening to Kylie Minogue singing the song 'Better the Devil You Know' may not seem the most pleasant experience in the world - in fact listening to Kylie Minogue singing anything may not seem the most pleasant experience in the world - but it was this incredibly shit song that inspired a group of these slightly gay nerds to delve into the world of the paranormal and stuff.
Think of your ordinary, everyday neighbourhood Devil: tall, red-skinned, slicked back black hair, wagging tail with a forked end, sly suggestive smile, fondness for warm stuff and torture.
He may seem a bit of an evil bastard but there is a queer warmth about him, a feeling that life somehow just wouldn't be the same without his mischievous ways.
Now think of the devil you don't know.
Thats right: you can't.
The scientists asked several volunteers to put on blindfolds and locked them in a room with foul-smelling, freshly 'laid' turds. Afterwards they let them out. This had nothing to do with the experiment and was simply an odd mistake.
The volunteers were asked a series of questions about the Devils they know: eating habits, favourite colour, sexual preferences, and so on.
They were then asked about a Devil they had never before met or seen.
One woman described the Devil she had never seen, heard or touched as being "34 foot tall, with blue hands and 77 penises with 77 more tiny, toothed penises coming out of them" while her own Devil was said to be a "handsome chap with perfect table manners whenever he wasn't torturing and tormenting lost souls"
The results were computed using an abacus and chocolate buttons and revealed that the Devil they knew came out tops because they knew fuck all about the other chap.
On the advice of this study, people should be kinder and gentler to their Devils. Buy them gifts. Take them on walks. Kiss them before bed time.
In general, be nicer to your Devil because he's probably a lovelier fellow than the other lad.