Reporting from a zoo I discovered that Monkey's are not only great at throwing tea parties but they are also incredible mimics.
Waving at a little cheeky monkey, I was stunned to see him flicking me the bird and gesturing lewdly. I pulled down my skirt and wiggled my petite rump. He then proceeded to flash his hairy arse at me and further gesture lewdly in a manner reminiscent of a bastard.
It was like looking into a mirror and discovering that I was less than two foot tall, covered in hair and had a tail.
I next tried to coax some more shite out of the hirsute creature. I whipped out me tits and jiggled them. Incredibly he followed suit.
It was as if everything Darwin had said was being displayed before me - Darwin being my neighbours talking French cow.
Just like my transvestite uncle Dick when he visited that Swedish-Filipino brothel in 1994, I needed to probe further.
Luckily I had brought my piano with me.
He proved an impressive pianist. One of the most impressive pianists I had ever seen.
I needed to ensure that monkey's only do what they see, so I blindfolded the little chap and then started riding my unicycle around and around. I then removed the cover from his eyes and waited. He seemed confused and just started blankly - thus proving whatever it was that I set out to prove.
Next week I will test an elephants memory.
