Luncheon Meat Wars

Funny story written by Mr Pants

Friday, 2 October 2009

A row has erupted between the farming industry and meat processors as a result of a breakthrough made by a pig farmer in Derbyshire.

Tom Thwackem of Hole-in-the-Peak has developed a revolutionary process arising from a freak accident. Mr Thwackem recalls: "I had one pig called Janet who was fond eating hard boiled eggs: so much so, that she would often eat several a day" He continues "When it was time for Janet to go to slaughter, the abbatoir called me to say that the meat contained a line of egg throughout - and that the amount of processing required was significantly less as she could immediately be made into luncheon meat or pork pie with egg already in the middle."

Mr Thwackem then proceeded to rear a whole litter of piglets - feeding some on boiled eggs and others on different core ingredients such as mashed peppers. The result was meat that could simply be slaughtered, boiled and put straight onto supermarket shelves.

The Derbyshire Farmer has already signed deals with both Tesco and Netto. Meanwhile, Meat Processors are launching a legal campaign to ban the process, claiming it is likely to cause the loss of many thousands of jobs and will also prevent them fulfilling the quota required in their egg supply contract.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more