No Spoofing, Solar Flares ARE Coming! Better Prepare!

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 6 June 2009

image for No Spoofing, Solar Flares ARE Coming! Better Prepare!
Solar Flares Coming! What Will Happen?

It's official already. Solar minimum has arrived. Sunspots have all but vanished in the past months. Solar flares are nonexistent. The sun is utterly quiet.

Like the quiet before a storm, just like it was in 1958.

So what's the difference in today's world of 2009?

This week researchers announced that a storm is coming--the most intense solar maximum in fifty years. The prediction comes from a team led by Mausumi Dikpati of the National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR). "The next sunspot cycle will be 30% to 50% stronger than the previous one," she says. If correct, the years ahead could produce a burst of solar activity second only to the historic Solar Max of 1958. Look under "1958 Solar Flares on the internet".

That was a solar maximum.

The Space Age was just beginning: Sputnik had already been launched in Oct. 1957 and Explorer 1 (the first US satellite) in Jan. 1958. In 1958 you couldn't tell that a solar storm was underway by looking at the bars on your cell phone; cell phones didn't exist.

Neither did the internet. Neither were the banking files, personal files, GPS, weather satellites or MILITARY INFORMATION on computers.

The whole world of communications was totally different!

Even so, people knew something big was happening when Northern Lights were sighted three times as far south as Mexico!

This stuff is scary but it's REAL. AND, you and I both know it!

What will happen to all our communications when these flares arrive?

Remember, this is no fairy tale. These are events that have always happened every 50 years or so.

What to do? I wish I knew, but the government sure isn't saying anything. As usual, we'll be blindsided. Everyone was looking for the 2000 bug and nothing happened. It seems like we're always looking in the wrong direction. But gather all the info you can on how to protect what you have, while the computers are still running.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more