Hubble Tunes In to Oldest Known Radio Broadcast

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

image for Hubble Tunes In to Oldest Known Radio Broadcast
"That guy's shtick is REALLY getting old," noted astrophysicist Kerr Chandrasekhar.

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL - With the wildly successful Hubble program nearing its final days, most scientists believed the aging telescope was for the most part out of surprises, or at least truly groundbreaking discoveries. Nevertheless, Hubble shocked the scientific community earlier today when it tuned in to the earliest known radio broadcast by "intelligent" beings ever in the history of the universe.

Just a few weeks ago, scientists noted a faint signal emanating from a remote region of space near Deneb in the constellation Cygnus. Today, NASA scientists installed special software allowing Hubble to enhance the faint signal, amplifying it more than 1 billion times and allowing us to hear it clearly for the first time.

To the surprise of nearly everyone, the signal turned out to be a conservative AM talk radio station beamed into space from 13.8 billion light years away hosted by none other than Republican entertainer Rush Limbaugh.

Many scientists believe the signal indicates that space is indeed curved as some had previously theorized. They say the programs were actually broadcast from here on Earth, but passed through a gravitationally induced wormhole that is beaming the same signal back to us from across the vast empty recesses of the outermost universe.

Others are skeptical of this theory, saying they expected the discovery, and have a much simpler explanation for the Limbaugh broadcasts originating nearly 14 billion years ago. "It's like I've been saying for years," noted astrophysicist Kerr Chandrasekhar. "That guy's shtick is really getting old."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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