First Liver Transplant Done by an Ostrich

Funny story written by Al Von Googenschleim

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for First Liver Transplant Done by an Ostrich
John Steve, after learning that his liver trasnplant was to be done by an ostrich

It was close to evening time on Tuesday, in the city of Gloucester, England, when the first liver transplant by an ostrich was done.

The ostrich, referred to affectionately as Damien, was groomed to be a surgeon since he was born. "I took care of a lot of ostriches," commented Franz Wowx. "As soon as Damien was born, I could tell that there was something different about him."

By the age of 2, Damien was showing an active interest in the medical field, frequently breaking into the veterinarian office of the ostrich farm in which he was held. "By 3, his every squawk and chirp sounded like the body part of a human being," said Wowx. "His first squawk sounded a lot like 'deltoid.'"

Damien was 4 years old when he was enrolled in a medical school in London, England. His progress and understanding grew further and further, and he went on the honour roll many times. "Damien was an excellent student. The only problem was trying to teach him to use a scalpel. First of all, he has wings, and second of all, he was so used to using the claws on his feet," noted Yiltz Clop, once of his former instructors.

Damien eventually earned a Master's and Bachelor's Degree, and went on to become the chief surgeon of Gloucester, England. After performing numerous medical procedures, such as triple bypass surgeries, he finally went on to do his most complicated procedure: a liver transplant.

The victim, or should we say patient, was 37 year old John Steve, who had a long and complex medical history. After being given an extra helping of worms, Damien performed the first liver transplant done by a flightless bird. The surgery lasted 3 hours, and was deemed a success by Damien. How?

"He gives this high-pitched shrill twitter when he is happy," explained Wowx.

Damien looks forward to more complex procedures in the future.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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