Researchers Find Marijuana Substitute

Funny story written by NickFun

Friday, 13 February 2009

image for Researchers Find Marijuana Substitute
The new marijuana substitute looks just like the real thing

With the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) cracking down hard on marijuana users and suppliers, researchers have discovered a synthetic compound that mimics the drugs benefits.

Researchers at the University of California Berkeley have discovered that a pesticide related to the nerve gas sarin causes some of the same effects as marijuana in mice, including the painkilling and the behavioural changes. However, the new drug has side effects in some patients such as convulsions, seizures and sudden death.

"We are on the verge of a breakthrough", said Dr. Eugene Kelly, the lead researcher on the project. "Pot is still better but this sh*t's pretty good. Pretty soon we'll have something that's just like marijuana only legal".

Kelly apologized for the broken test tubes, cabinets and lamps in his office as he had been experimenting with the drug himself.

It is still not known if the drug will help in controlling colon cancer, restoring appetite to AIDS and cancer victims and relieving pain as well as marijuana has been proven to but researchers are hopeful.

"Someday we might get people off pot and have them smoke this sh*t instead", Kelly suggested.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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