Astonishing wireless electricity unveiled

Funny story written by General Payne

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Scientists have developed the technology to connect electrical appliances to a mains supply without using cables and wires and an incredible spin off will be a 65% reduction in electricity usage that could help save the earth from global warming.

The Boffin's at the Rutherford Appleton laboratories (RAL) Energy Research Unit (ERU) near Didcot have developed what they are calling, "kinetic Power Transference" or KPT. Using a kinetic magnetisng transformer (KMT) on the supply side and a receiving device (KRD) installed into appliances it means that unsightly wires and cables will become a thing of the past.

Electricity will be supplied to homes and businesses exactly as it is now but consumers will have to purchase and have fitted a transmitter adjacent to their meter. It will convert the electricity to kinetic magnetism effectively supercharging atoms in the atmosphere which in turn are collected by the receiving unit in the appliance and converted back to electricity. Because there is no measurable resistance as the atoms move around, 99.9% of the power is utilised reducing energy requirements and costs by up to 65%.

The ERU's head of research, Doctor Po' Ki-Tin released a statement last night confirming that his team had indeed succeeded in transmitting 230 volt power from a supply to an electric kettle over a distance of 7 metres and through a brick wall. He said that although still in its early stages they had been working on this project for 14 years and after several failed attempts they had now developed a safe system that works repeatedly. Dr Tin says that this technology will be available to consumers within 2 years.

The research has been jointly funded by the British Government, the EU science council and Seimens. Security has been massively stepped up at RAL amidst fears that Russian, Chinese and US spies will try to steal the technology. British Marines have taken over security for the site and unofficial reports claim that members of the SAS and SBS are also at the base.

Gordon Brown appeared to be unaware of the development. No one at the DTI was available for comment but Siemens CEO Peter Loescher was very quick to stick a little moustache under his nose and raise his left arm in salute of the achievement.

He said that the Motherland had lost two wars against the English Swines in their quest for world domination but that by using the Britishers own skills and facilities it would be third time (or maybe third Reich) lucky.

Sir Ken Jackson, leader of the AMICUS union that represents the largest number of electricians in the UK did not give an official statement but was over heard to say, "oh fuck it. We'll go on strike then!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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