Drama As Stephen Hawking 'Scared' At Unveiling Of Strange New Clock

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 19 September 2008

image for Drama As Stephen Hawking 'Scared' At Unveiling Of Strange New Clock
After the sheet was removed

Drama in Cambridge yesterday, as Stephen Hawking, the 'human droid', was injured by a falling black sheet of material as he helped to unveil a new £1million clock.

"The strangest clock in the world", as it has been described, was being revealed by Hawking, who has been described as "the strangest thing in the world", at Corpus Christi College.

The clock, which has no hands or numbers, features a giant grasshopper having a shit, and shows the time through 60 slits which light up. It's gross.

Dr John Taylor, an inventor and horologist, is responsible for the abomination, and has donated it to his old establishment. They felt obliged to accept it, and called in Hawking, the cleverest droid available, to make a robotic speech, and to 'virtually' cut the tape.

When this happened, the large black sheet covering the clock dropped from its hangings, and draped itself over the head of Hawking, who panicked and squealed uncontrollably, until his mechanical voice box gave up.

Ambulancemen administered First Aid at the scene, and Hawking emerged from under the sheet scared but unhurt.

Paramedic Mike Hunt said:

"He was a bit shaken up, but that's all. It was a bit of a shock for him, and funny for us, but robots are quite robust these days, and he was never in any danger."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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