Loch Ness Monster Mystery Update

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 8 September 2008

image for Loch Ness Monster Mystery Update
A floating turd is all that is left of Nessie

The ancient mystery of Loch Ness and of its Monster, was the subject of a recent investigation by scientists, who say that there is nobody alive who has seen it, and the beast may, in fact, be dead.

The Monster has been lurking in the depths of the Scottish loch for centuries now, but it has not been seen for such a long time, that the boffins fear it may have expired underwater and rotted away.

The last person to have seen the Monster alive was Percy Scoggins, a local fisherman back in 1912, but when he died of massive alcohol poisoning in 1912, the sightings died with him.

Prior to 1912, 'verified' sightings occurred regularly, nearly all by local alcoholic fishermen, but not exclusively, as William Grant, a whisky distiller from Strathclyde, also saw the beast back in 1890.

A recent reported sighting of 'Nessie' and one of its turds, by three American tourists, has had doubt cast upon it by Professor Edward Leakey of the University of Life, who said:

"They are lying. There is no Loch Ness Monster."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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