Michael Jackson Claims Scottish Ancestry

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 29 August 2008


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We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet..

Popstar Michael Jackson has amazed people in Scotland on his 50th birthday, by following up his new album of Rabbie Burns' cover versions, with his amazing declaration that he, himself, is a Scot.

Jackson claims that his ancestors were part of the McJackson clan who lived in the Highlands more than three centuries ago, before they left for America in 1694.

Historians say the clan is unknown to them.

Mr Jackson, whose career took a nosedive after damaging Child Sex Abuse allegations and an expensive court case in 1993, is always looking for new ways to gain public acceptance, and is eager to boost his fanbase in Britain.

His new album, Supp'r Wi' Rabbie: Ballads Of Mr Jackson features all of Burns' greatest hits, including Auld Lang Syne, A Red, Red Rose, To A Louse, To A Mouse, and Tam O'Shanter, put to a disco beat, with ball-grabbing tenderness:

O Tam! had'st thou but been sae wise,
As taen thy ain wife Kate's advice!
She tauld thee weel thou was a skellum,
A blethering, blustering, drunken blellum;

Jackson has said he has more projects in the pipeline, including a remix of John Milton poems, and a reinterpretation of Wordsworth which has to be heard to be believed.

Scottish National Party leader Alex Salmond reacted to the news of Jackson's perceived Scottish 'ancestry' by saying:

"Now, wha this tale o' truth shall read,
Ilk man and mother's son, take heed:
Whene'er to Drink you are inclin'd,
Or Cutty-sarks rin in your mind,
Think ye may buy the joys o'er dear;
Remember Tam o' Shanter's mare.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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