John Archibald Wheeler, the American theoretical physicist who coined the term, black hole, has passed away at home in Hightstown, New Jersey.
While he was originally thought to have died from pneumonia, sources in the coroner's office suggest that the physicist died from a rare neurological malady known as 'Quantum Sphincterization'.
In an instantaneous moment of mental and physical upheaval, the victim usually goes from a mood of domestic complacency to utter desperation.
Many believe the range of emotions the victim goes through is also shared by people undergoing colonoscopy prep.
At one moment, the victim could be baking in the kitchen and the next moment, the victim is overwhelmed by the futility of life as we know it, then disappears up their sphincter, sucked into a void no words can express. Death follows rather quickly.