Written by Entropus

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

image for Study Finds That 14 Year-Olds Suck at Poetry
Even Brittany Murphy writes a better poem than your average 14 year-old, say experts

Cambridge, MA - A panel of 14 different experts in literature and poetry concluded a months-long study into the poetic abilities of the average fourteen year-old. Their findings were nothing if not disheartening.

"14 year-olds just suck at poetry," said Dr. Stillwater, Professer Emeritus of Archaic Phrasology at Harvard, "As prolifically as they seem to write, it just never gets any better."

Other panel members were equally disgusted with the average quality of the poetry written by the teens, with one quipping, "I've never seen so many misconjugations in one place before!" to the uproarious laughter of his fellows. The remainder of the crowd, mostly 14 year-olds, were silent.

One teen objected to the ruling, saying, "You guys are, like, such dicks! My poems is great!" She then read her piece, which was ten lines long and rhymed "Britney Spears" with "Trickling Tears," at which point two amongst the panel produced revolvers and shot themselves, one in the head and one in the heart. A third shot the teenager to raucous applause.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Poetry




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
48 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more