Scientists Create Sleep Machine

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

image for Scientists Create Sleep Machine
The Voltage Through the Skull was Too Much for This Fellow

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Scientists have created a machine that can put you to sleep in 2 hours and give you the equivalent of 8 hours sleep. They had to come up with a highly technical name for the "sleep machine," so they called it a transcranial magnetic stimulation. They also developed an acronym for it, of course... the TMS.

The TMS induces slow waves - indicative of the deepest phase of sleep which is essential for learning ability and mood, in a group of sleeping volunteers. The device sends harmless electro-magnetic signals through the scalp and skull and into the brain, where it activates electrical impulses. Basically, it shocks the bejesus out of you until you pass out. It then sends slow wave activity through the skull to the brain where it occupies 80% of sleeping hours.

We at have known a much better method for ages. It works much faster and has all the benefits of the machine scientists are working on. If you want to go to sleep in less than two minutes, just read an article at

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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