Modern men do not know which position it is best to pee!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 13 March 2021

image for Modern men do not know which position it is best to pee!
History proves once again that the evolutionary process will one day teach males how to pee correctly!

(NOT EDITED) The scientific fraternity, although being confronted with a global pandemic, have not forgotten one of the most important issues the global male population has to deal with; which position is the best for males to pee in?

Females really do not have any problems of pee splashing onto their legs because they sit down, well most do. The only problems females have is when there is no bog around! Men just hang out their ding-dong up a vacant tree. Women must whip their knickers down in the open, or cross their legs and pray, until a huge bush appears.

However, peeing up trees has its problems too; like expensive polished shoes ending up rather spotty! When men do use a toilet, scientists have attempted to find out which position is the most suitable to avoid a spraying of the legs for short-trouser wearers, or spraying of trouser legs if males have milky-coloured hairy legs and do wish to show them in public.

One Dutch scientist, Professor Peet van de Urinas, has offered several standing up positions, and here they are:

A) Attempt to pee into the water, this absorbs splashes, but is no guarantee!

B) Aim for the back of the WC, do not apply too much pressure, if possible, and let your pee run slowly into the water below (that rhymes!). This should reduce splashing, but again, if you have drunk five pints of beer, it could be quite difficult!

C) Hang over the toilet and try to aim at the front area. This position is more difficult, but very efficient because the pee cannot splash towards your legs. However, it is thwart with difficulties especially if males have slipped discs!

Evolution has allowed males to touch their feminine sides without being called 'Trannies'. Hence, Peet van de Urinas's best advice is to copy females! Meaning, hang your rear-end over the toilet, or sit on it, slip your willy inside, and do what females have been doing ever since they walked on two legs: a splash free pee!

Urinal producers are now adapting to the latest male requirements, and old-fashioned pissoirs will cease production. Latest hi-tech, self-cleaning male bogs will be introduced in public toilets with a separating wall between. For the home, males should just use the one the missus pees on!

In addition, this solution 'kills two birds with one stone!' Males will never forget to lower the toilet seat after splashing it with impunity. Hence, this scenario eradicates a sensitive, domestic bone of contention, and creates harmony on the bog!

Happy Pee P!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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