There Really IS A Difference Between Races, Experts Say!

Funny story written by cassandra

Thursday, 8 February 2007

image for There Really IS A Difference Between Races, Experts Say!
This guy from the classic film "The 'Burbs" has a entipistiyol problem

Scientists, psychologists, geneticists, and top experts may have figured out one reason why blacks and whites think differently! The culprit is a tiny congregation of tissue located just below the hypothalamus, which scientists call the entipistiyol.

This tiny organ governs thought processes, tests show, such as the ones affecting man's ability to maintain rhythm in music, knowledge of slang words, and reactions based upon hearings of racial jokes.

These types of findings greatly interest scientists and psychologists, who feel they can use the information to greatly understand how the two races process thoughts and interact with each other. Experts are liberally sharing these ideas with magazines, psychologists, and doctors.

However, many groups are not happy, including the NAACP, who claim that the studies are racist and will end up advancing ethnic stereotypes.

DeMond Stanton, an NAACP lawyer from Harvard, denounces the test results, which he says only reflect a small portion of the real African American community. He also dislikes the idea of this kind of test being conducted in the first place, and argues that it is stereotypical.

"These so called 'studies' are not only embarrassing and typical, but demeaning to our race, and consequently, both races, on the whole,"

William Smith, a test scientist, answers that Stanton is offended because he is black, and also because the entipistiyol in blacks secretes a hormone to the brain that may make a person more likely to be offended emotionally.

Stanton claims that this makes no sense, as he had told reporters that both races were being demeaned and that many whites were upset with the tests also; he also showed evidence of people of the two races acting differently than the studies predicted.

Smith assured Stanton that these tests are really only of importance to human interest articles and intellectuals, and told him that no matter what he wanted to be true, blacks and whites were different. Smith also pointed out that blacks were not shown in an unfavorable light.

"Hey, it's not like we scientists are saying anyone is better or worse- just different," to which the lawyer responded that people were not offended because they were being shown in a bad light- but that the claims furthered non-existing stereotypes. One need not be insulted personally to disagree with something, he said.

"The sixties may have been a great time, and you guys may have made a lot of progress, but nature is nature, and just because you wish something to be true- even if that truth is in keeping with an idea of human equality- science still dictates," Smith answered.

"But how do you explain the fact that I have shown evidence disproving your theory?" Stanton insisted.

"Well, Mr. Stanton, you have to understand that these rules and findings are only a general guideline for scientists. Of course not EVERY black person can hold a good beat, challenge authority, and stay up-to-date on the latest music- why, look at Mr. Bill Cosby! He's an exception to that rule. And Barack Obama- he couldn't get offended if you spat at him. And Condoleezza Rice- do you think she acts very black?"

Stanton asked, "If there are so many exceptions to that rule, then why have the rule if so many people are going to get mislabeled? It won't be of any use anyway."

The protestive letter writing continues, even after DeMond Stanton's arguments, with many black and white people contacting the science organizations involved, and with some even trying to file lawsuits, as the stereotypes have led to job discrimination: in one case, a black man was noticeably less considered for a management position at WalMart, because his would-be employer didn't want to have to deal with any chance that an employee would use his lunch break to step outside and smoke a fatty, while blasting Kanye West and Ja Rule.

"This has got to stop," the man told local news reporters, who had come to cover the case. "I should not have to suffer because of the actions of people who were born of my race by chance,"

Another woman is suing for the right not to have to specify her race on insurance forms. "Just because I'm black does NOT mean I drive more recklessly! How do you think that makes me feel? Why the damn hell should I have to pay for some other hoodlum who done can't keep his wheels straight!"

Cherylynne Wilson, who is of mixed race and considers herself neither white nor black, is also suing the same registration company because of their insisting that she must only put one race on her form.

"You know, this is NOT Leave it to Beaver. Not everybody perfectly fits in to all the categories you want them to- I shouldn't have to choose because I can't, and no one should because people shouldn't have to label themselves. That doesn't mean I'm less human, or an alien, or that I'm deformed,"

Even though all the public disapproval has caused noticeable happenings- looking at the lawsuits, protest letters, and hilarious Jay Leno jokes regarding the strange news events- people's groups are hopeful that a new, more enlightened era will come out of the stupidity of this one, just like it has all throughout history.......

Next time you read an "expert's" article on the supposed 'natural differences' of men and women, keep this article in mind!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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