FOX'S Bill O'Reilly in his "most ridiculous item of the day segment" pointed out President Bush's new plan to (since we can't send people to Mars yet) send a craft to LASSO the thing and bring it back to us. The plan met with immediate objections from NASA, NASA asking"
"Just how but most importantly WHY should we send a craft to attempt to Lasso Mars and bring it to us?"
The President replied,
"Because with the war going on we can't afford the 38 trillion dollars needed to send people and supplies TO Mars like I promised last year. If we send a craft to simply LASSO the darned thing and bring it to us Laura says we can do it for less than a trillion."
Democrats say that Bush, though on paper is correct in his fiscal reasoning is, according to Speaker Nancy Pelosi "off his rocker". Pelosi went on to say that if Bush even thinks that the U.S. will cough up one trillion dollars on yet another fool-hearty mis-adventure 36 million miles across the Solar System to Lasso some planet he's high on glue.
NASA says that theoretically, using Nano-technology and a 50,000 mile long ribbon made of carbon nanotubes Mars COULD be shoved out of orbit and towed back to Earth if there was an 82nd century Star Wars type craft powerful enough to do the towing. When asked which craft our world now possesses to perform such a feat Bush responded,
"Well, like Jethro I've not quite got that one figured out just yet. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
Bush when again asked where he would PUT Mars once he Lasso'ed it back to Earth said,
"Ok I've not quite got THAT one just figured out either but work with me here folks. Can we park 'er up there near the moon's orbit. We can still reach the moon right? I haven't kept up with the news since Barney got worms."
Larry King in yet another interview with the president told the president that another massive body that close to the Earth could rip the planet apart via gravity waves alone. Bush on last night's show replied,
"Yeah I know but we'll cross that bridge too when we get to it. How far's Mars again?"