Miniature surveillance devices are being planted in artificial hips by alien surgeons according to our nutter journalist, David Ikes. Ace conspiracy theorist reporter, Ikes today disclosed that a Government listening station disguised as an MI6 anti terrorist surveillance centre was recording millions of gigabytes of data per hour from the arses of elderly post operation hip replacement patients.
The data is allegedly being used by George Osborne to count how many farts old people do per hour. Incorporated into a special program, the data is converted into a financial forecast based on global warming due to methane production and the results passed on to Uranus where a potential "windfall" tax on windy arses is intended to be implemented from, by "soup dragon" like monsters.
