Doctors urged to stop prescribing curly-wurlies for common heart condition

Funny story written by Aetios

Sunday, 15 June 2014

image for Doctors urged to stop prescribing curly-wurlies for common heart condition
Confused woman weighs up advice from GMC

For centuries, it's been prescribed for a multiplicity of conditions, ranging from the Black Death to ischemic heart disease. But now, the General Medical Council has challenged the healing propensities of the curly wurly.

The well-known chocolate delicacy was found to have medicinal properties when first brought to England from Normandy by William the Conqueror in 1066. Indeed, some historians claim that it was this that helped him and his men defeat Saxon King Harold Godwinsen at the Battle of Hastings. That and the fact that Harold's men were exhausted from having just fought a Viking army at Stamford Bridge a few days earlier and having to march 70 miles south without a break.

But now the GMC has discovered that the so-called beneficial qualities of the chocolate may have been overplayed and are, in any event, offset by side-effects.

In a study for the medical journal, the Lancet, two thousand children were brought up on a diet consisting entirely of curly wurlies and another two thousand were given a "normal diet". Most of the first group died before the age of 18, mainly from acne, tooth decay and fatness, while the other group survived and some of them even went on to become doctors and lawyers.

Mr. Bailash Patel, who has owned and operated the Walsall Confectionary for twenty years, has dismissed the new study, saying "I have sold curly wurlies to school kids for two decades and not one of them had any form of heart disease. it was only when they grew older and stopped taking the chocolate that they began to have cardiac problems."

Pharmaceutical giant, Cadburys, has threatened to take the GMC to the High Court for libel.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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