Long Island and NYC on red alert as huge asteroid promises dazzling Vernal Equinox flypast

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 15 March 2014

image for Long Island and NYC on red alert as huge asteroid promises dazzling Vernal Equinox flypast
Fright of Spring: New Yorkers particularly susceptible to these sorts of influences

New York - Astrologers are still working on the karmic implications of the phenomenon which will create a once-in-a-lifetime shadow path transiting much of the New York City tri-state area - as if the East Coast needs such a reality check!

Mostly they agree that next Thursday's Spring Equinox promises a dramatic start to the astrological new year when a massive asteroid called Erigone occults Regulus, the brightest celestial body in the zodiac sign of Leo, momentarily blackening out the majestic constellation's lodestar.

With a gross area of 1545 sq miles the asteroid has been talked up as being as big as Rhode Island or the Arabian Gulf's Emirate of Dubai where Bedouin stargazers credit the sign of Leo with the UAE's fabulous oil and gas riches.

Erigone's occultation of Regulus next Thursday will also take in the star's faint white dwarf companion in an aspect that astrologers have previously associated with sudden wipe outs and twists of fate.

The 67 mile-wide shadow swath begins at roughly 1.53 EDT in an upward sweep from the Island of Bermuda before touching landfall over Long Island, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and NE Pennsylvania around 2:06 AM EDT.

Sky watch sources also say the asteroid shadow will continue north west over Lake Ontario into Canada ahead of Ottawa and Toronto before fizzling out somewhere near Hudson Bay and Nunavut.

The rest of the day will then be relatively normal give or take the usual Spring Equinox snafus.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more