String Theory Disproved

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 14 December 2012

image for String Theory Disproved
Tightly-knotted string earlier

String Theory, the idea that the whole universe is held together by an enormous amount of extremely small pieces of string, has been disproved according to a scientist doing research in the Thai capital of Bangkok.

Moys Kenwood, 49, has told friends that he believes it would be "impossible" for such a simple-minded idea to have any credibility. The expat said that such a gargantuan amount of string would have required an extraordinarily long time to have been produced, and would have taken even longer still, for people to have attached absolutely everything in the universe together so that it wouldn't come undone.

String Theory is an active research framework in particle physics that attempts to reconcile quantum mechanics and general relativity. It is a contender for a theory of everything (TOE), a self-contained mathematical model that describes all fundamental forces and forms of matter. String Theory posits that the elementary particles (i.e., electrons and quarks) within an atom are not 0-dimensional objects, but rather 1-dimensional oscillating lines or "strings".

But Kenwood claimed today:

"That's stuff and nonsense. Pure twaddle. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's nincompoopish. I could go on, but I think you get the picture."

Scientists who are regarded as experts in the field of String Theory have reacted angrily to the sometime-scientist's doubts.

According to Stephen Hawking:

"What does Kenwood know? M-theory is the only candidate for a complete theory of the universe. I'd bet my wheelchair on it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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