iPhone 5 to completely integrate with iCloud

Written by IainB

Thursday, 21 June 2012

image for iPhone 5 to completely integrate with iCloud
The new iPhone 5

The iPhone 5 will become the most powerful smart phone on the market when it is released by removing all processing from the device, and moving it wholly into the cloud.

"The cloud is the future," said Tim Cook, CEO of Apple. "There is no reason to do any processing on the phone, except communicate with the cloud."

All apps, web pages, documents, music, video, and the rest will be stored in the cloud, available from every apple product instantly.

"It is going to require some rewrite of Apple apps," said Cook. "Which is why we are giving advance notice to the developers."

The phone itself, is said to be the sexiest phone available too.

"It is virtually indestructible," said Cook. "The phone itself is part of the cloud. People interact with it, by putting their hands into the phone."

According to Cook, the phone can be put into a pocket by use of an Apple provided ultra-absorbent paper towel. And when the phone is required again, they ring out the towel, releasing the phone.

"Making a call is as simple as putting your head into the cloud," said Cook. "Because it's a cloud, the screen can be made as big as you like, with the images diffused across the cloud. Although at higher sizes, the resolution gets a bit diffuse."

Swapping details with an iPhone user will be as simple as merging the two clouds briefly, whilst two, or more, player games will be possible by joining the phone clouds together.

"We'd suggest not getting beyond ten people merging their phones," said Cook, "as this could cause local weather variations and lightning."

The industry once again thinks that Apple have got it wrong, although the industry have been proven wrong each time that they have thought this. They are calling a return to the age of steam. Cook is unbowed.

"We have coined a new term for this kind of phone," he said. "Our developers call it Vapour-Ware."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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