Written by IainB

Friday, 13 January 2012

image for Russians to provide NASA with lunch facilities
Some of Dave Shuttle's pans, hung up forever

News is emerging that NASA have approached Russia to provide them with lunch facilities following the retirement of head chef Dave Shuttle.

"Dave has been with NASA for many years now," said catering manager, Chuck Bolden. "Most employees at the multi-billion agency have tasted Shuttle's work at some point. Except Fred Boone, who's always brought sandwiches."

With the loss of Shuttle from the NASA kitchens, food production across the various NASA sites has ground to a halt.

"We nearly had a riot on our hands," admitted Bolden. "With no lunch provided, the staff were getting hungry, or demanding pay rises to cover the costs of buying lunch. We never realised how important Dave was."

To stave off the potential mass exodus of some of the countries brightest engineers to companies that provided lunch, NASA has made the bold step of asking the Russians for assistance.

"The Russians have long had a tradition of being able to feed thousands of people easily," said Bolden. "And whilst there is no such thing as a free lunch, the Russians are able to get quite close to that."

There are some logistics to be overcome to allow the Russians to provide NASA with lunch facilities, but nothing technical.

"All the problems are political," said Bolden. "The American government doesn't like the fact that America does not have the ability to lunch on its own, and has to rely on the Russians. We've got a special congressional hearing to attempt to get the red tape swept aside and allow us to have a Russian lunch."

Russia have already made a deal with the confectionery giants Mars to provide the Americans with a Mars lunch, something NASA have been eager to try for many years, but have never had the funds.

"Mars has always been to expensive for us to lunch on," said Bolden. "With the Russians helping, we might finally get the go ahead for a Mars lunch."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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