Apple to Patent Steve Jobs

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

image for Apple to Patent Steve Jobs
Will the real Steve Jobs please lie down?

It is the ultimate accolade for any individual, when the company they founded applies for a patent on them.

The Late Steve Jobs has received such an honour from Apple Inc.

"We feel that Steve was so unique, that we want to ensure that he stays unique by patenting him," said head of Incomprehensible Patents, Stuart Pidget. "If anybody else tries to have a Steve Jobs in charge of a fruit based electronics company, we'll sue them for patent infringement."

Unfortunately, Apple were unable to get a broader patent than a man called Steve Jobs in charge of a fruit based electronics company.

"I did manage to get them to allow us to say 'fruit based'," said Pidget. "That was a massive concession. I originally wanted anybody called Steve in charge of any company."

According to Pidget the patent clerk stopped him from going down this route,

"Patent clerks are supposed to be impartial," said Pidget. "But this one was called Steve and dreamed of one day running his own company."

George Apricot, who runs Apricot Electronics out of San Bernardino in California, is less than impressed.

"I was going to hand my business over to my son when I retire," he said. "But unless Steve does what I did, and changes his surname to the company name, then he's going to get his ass sued blue by that bunch of fruits over at Apple."

Blackberry boss, Adam Carter, is considering changing his name to Steve Jobs, just to see what Apple would do.

"I'd like to see them try and make that one stand up in court," said Carter. "It'll cost them a fortune to sue me, and if it looks like I'll lose, I'll pay the licence fee. It's only fifty dollars."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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