Written by Bob

Monday, 3 November 2003

image for Nuclear Incident Blamed on Gamer

Shock and awe in the White House today as one of America's nuclear warheads went on its merry way to China. A gamer playing Command & Conquer: Generals online launched a nuclear weapon on the game, which unfortunately triggered a real nuclear strike on China.

The nuclear strike was thought to be caused by an online bug that linked the game to George W. Bush's nuclear controls. Bush was surprised when the missile launched out of his garage at the White House.

EA Games said they would not be held responsible for the bug that led to the launch, saying that they "had no idea it would lead to this."
According to Lance Boil of EA Games, the bug wasn't in the original version.
"As far as we can see the gamer was editing the game and made a fatal mistake."

Jimmy Sprog of Ohio was shocked when Navy SEALs invaded his house and beat him with a haddock. They arrested him as an e-terrorist, and took him to Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay. The US government were looking for excuses, and sent a telegram to Beijing saying "Sorry about that."

At first the Americans thought about blaming Saddam, but decided to blame poor Jimmy.

American family activist and leader of the Family Values organisation Sally Kimble said, "We've been looking to blame computer games for society's wrongs for some time now."

However, The Spoof can sensationally reveal that George Bush himself may be to blame. One White House insider said, "I know he has a big red button on his desk left over from the Cold War. I think he might have leant on the button and set the launch, but the crap-ass American guidance things made it miss Russia and hit China. Don't quote me on that."

"Fortunately the missile hit a remote region of mountainous terrain, and only killed a few peasants" said Lt. Gary T. Pickering, an American soldier-type, "but we still can't be held responsible - it was the game."

China is investigating, but at the moment Jimmy Sprog is the main suspect. "I didn't do anything!" squeeked the eight-year-old gamer.

In a perhaps unrelated incident, one copy of C&C Generals was ordered by a Mr O. Bin Laden, of Afghan Cave Network, Afghanistan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: White House, China

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
51 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more