Not at home? There's an app for that

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 18 September 2011

image for Not at home? There's an app for that
Switching off lights just got easier

Everybody has found themselves three hundred miles from home, and suddenly thought "Did I leave the oven on", or "I didn't set the PVR to record Antiques Roadshow".

New to the Apple iStore is iHome, which solves all of these problems or less.

"This is a great applelet," said Mac Buck of App World! magazine. "You can draw the curtains, record TV, turn on or off dishwashers, ovens and lights. You can even have it run a bath for you, open the garage door, put your dinner on and cue up Last of the Summer Wine all at the touch of a button, easing your journey home."

Although some are enjoying the applelet, some warning messages have just started appearing on MyApp's support forum.

"Initially," said Kenny Denny, one of the early adopters of the app, "my only major concern was the price. Ninety-nine dollars ninety-nine cents was a lot to pay for a glorified on and off switch. Especially as I live in Ireland and the exchange rate between the Euro and the Dollar wasn't very good at the time. However, it did replace all of my remote controls, and hooked into the electricity and gas supply of my house to let me control everything, so I got it. More for the universal remote control really."

This was where Denny's problems started, and he's not alone, with approximately one third of the app's users suffering the same problem.

"My big problem," said Denny, "is that automating your house this way lets some scrote with the iRob applelet wander round until he finds an iHome enabled home. He then unlocks the house, disables the alarm, and wanders in, with a complete list of everything electric in the house to collect."

Police are advising that people contact MyApp's support desk to figure out how to uninstall iHome.

"I've done this," said Denny. "I've spent hours on their premium rate support line, and their best suggestion is that I knock down my house and rebuild it."

There is a plus side, as police have now installed iArrest, which lets them track down everybody who's used iRob and arrest them, with a complete itinary of the thief, and every item they've stolen.

All three apps are available to buy from the iStore or MyApp's website.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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