Japanese TV Gameshow End-Of-Year Review

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 31 December 2018

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Yes, it's that time of the year again, and, having digested all that Christmas can throw at you, it's time to settle down in front of the television, and relax.

And have we got a treat in store for you, as we kick-off with The Spoof's very own Japanese TV Game Show End-of-Year Review, so sit back and enjoy!

The first show we'll look at is the zany

'Honey Trap' (Honitorappu)

Playing to the usual Nipponese rule of 'Extremes work best', in this game a contestant lays in a bath full of honey, and then a hive of bees is lowered into the room. A stopwatch ticks in the corner of the screen to determine how long the contestant can stand having his or her face stung. If 2 minutes is reached, a grizzly bear is introduced to the proceedings. High mortality rate. 7/10

The next show is:

'Cream Pie Cannon Challenge' (Kurimupai No Taiho Charenji)

A sort of 'Japanese Mr. and Mrs'. Here, a quizmaster, dressed as Emperor Hirohito, fires sexually-inappropriate marital questions at married couples clad only in their underwear. The couple stands 6 feet away from an adapted Howitzer cannon, and, when an incorrect answer is given, a payload of Cream Pie is fired at them. Chaos ensues.

'Haiku Laughing Game' (Haiku Warai Gēmu)

A contestant is strapped onto an operating theater bed, and given a haiku to read, whilst his or her feet and underarms are tickled with feather dusters. If laughter results, a tube above the contestant opens, and thick, black sludge from the local sewer rains down, causing mirth in the audience.

I'm An Infant In Diapers - Get Me Out Of Here! (Watashi wa omutsu no yojidesu - koko ni watashi o dasu)

A direct take-off of the ITV spectacular which takes celebrities out of their 'lives-that-have-fallen-on-hard-times', and sets them down in the Australian jungle to see how they get on with each other. This, though, takes a group of very young children all aged around 12 months, and drops them into the same situation, with results that are not necessarily hilarious.

'Godzilla Challenge' (Gojiracharenji)

An outside broadcast, contestants receive rudimentary training in how to fly wartime bombers similar to those flown by kamikaze pilots, the Yokosuka MXY7 Ohka (Cherry Blossom), nicknamed the "baka" (baka is Japanese for "idiot"). They are then taken to a nearby town where a 150-foot papier-mache Godzilla monster is flapping-mad destroying buildings as if they were going out of fashion. They fly round-and-round the beast, strafing it with live ammunition, until only one pilot is left. This, then, is the 'winner', who receives a 1-month travel pass for the Tokyo Metro.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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