80 Shopping Days To Christmas

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 6 October 2018

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Deck the halls with boughs and holly! Tralalalala lalalala!

Yes, it's that time of year again, and TheSpoof.com wants to take this opportunity to remind all of its contributors - and readers - that there are only a measly 80 shopping days left until Christmas!

The stores are now full of Christmas gifts, and decorated with Christmas trees, tinsel, mistletoe, Santas, reindeer and 'snow', so what are you waiting for? Get yourselves down there to help them make their profits - and leave yourselves on the verge of bankruptcy.

It's also a good idea to get your early order in for a big, beautiful Xmas turkey. You don't want to get left with a duck or, worse, a scraggy chicken. Having anything, at all, however, to eat on Christmas Day - as well as on any other day of the year - is better than having nothing to eat, or nibbling on a crust of bread washed down with a can of cheap beer, but that is, in fact, what many people will be faced with.

Let's not be miserable, though. Whether or not you have presents to give and to receive, and whether you are having a special Christmas dinner or not, the thing that we can all count on during the festive season is family.

Having the family all together in one room is something that many families don't experience very often, with some only having a chance to do so at Christmas. When they eventually manage to get together, however, they make the most of it, and catch up on each other's news, and reminisce about 'the days gone by'. Oh, the family! What fun!

If you have a family, that is.

Some people, of course, spend Christmas Day - and every other day - alone. They can only dream about the happy family get-togethers most people enjoy, as they sit in their room, head-in-hands, cheap bottle of whisky on the bare table, listening to the Christmas cheer and laughter next door, and contemplating, not only their current miserable predicament, but also the rest of their tragic, loveless, friendless and joyless existences, and the large bottle of pills on the sideboard.

Anyway, cheer up! It'll soon be Christmas!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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