After ridding the world of Banana Republic, terrible, fake actors, our superstar, 85 year-old, nymphomaniac, resident dancer, Volga Olga, born on the banks of the Black Sea, in Ras-Putin's annexed world of opulence, and Czar palaces, swapped her brown bananas, Josephine Baker style, for Brazil Nut-ters!
Rio's infamous carnaval has invited Volga Olga over to head the 2019 carnaval in her Brazil Nut-ters dress after, Neymar, crying his eyes out on liters of Belgian beer in The Nutters Beach Club last night, jumped on stage and rolled over in pain and agony attempting to avoid Volga's swinging nuts!
What a spectacle! Even our resident pissed pirate, poet laureate, Sir Francis (no not the duck version) Charlton, fell off his bar stool with Erskine, his blind, deaf and dumb parrot in pain through laughter!
English non-violent hooligans went mad as they moshed in front of the stage hoping to crack Volga's Brazil nuts and kick the crap out of Neymar, real men, rugby style!
Luckily, he escaped through the bog window and is now on his way to Madrid to lick Ronaldo's boots!
Hasta la vista hombres, putas, et global Nutters! We love you all!!
