In the Light of the Plight of the Red Cross is Facebook Crippling our Emergency Services?

Funny story written by Dr Farquar

Saturday, 7 January 2017


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Popular social media platform, Facebook, has been in the centre of a row with our global emergency services.

Over 14 million 999 calls were made last year in the UK alone, to our already exhausted emergency services by young and old who want to share trivialities on the Internets most popular social networking sit Facebook.

Other calls to counselling services, and missing persons bureaus are overwhelmed too. 89% of calls involve a call to trace Facebook correspondents not responding to posts and so believed dead or missing.

Social behavioural experts believe these are genuinely troubled individuals, or simply, out of work ugly people, who have dialled 999, when all their 'friends' online, have been unable to answer them on the 'chatbox' facility instantly. This is a small box for users to post in 'realtime' as opposed to 'unreal time' or do not respond to a message on their 'wall'.

This is another comment box, where everybody share 'what is on your mind . With girls and women, this usually involves a message about a personal hazard, like a lost false nail, or full and graphic description of their present female menstruation process. While men just 'cut and paste' 'proverbs' to make other social networkers think they are intelligen. If that doesn't work, a picture of them drunk clutching their girlfriends breasts will usually suffice.

Dr Perry Noir, studies Anthropology and Human Ergonomics at the Bradford Psychiatry Institute and believes this is an "'online and offline crisis' that will cause a whole new wave of mental health issues, not just here, but across the world.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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