Written by Philip J. Moss

Friday, 28 August 2015


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

FOR THE BILLIONAIRE WHO HAS EVERYTHING, why not pick up a presidential candidate?

There has never been a better time to buy your own candidate for president of the United States. For a mere US$ two hundred million you can have your pick of several younger candidates, or, for an extra hundred million you can choose a more experienced model, with plenty of mileage still left on the clock. All models are guaranteed to favor lowering taxes, and are pre-programmed to point out to reporters that they are not scientists. You can further customize your candidate by choosing from the following option packages*:

OPTION PACKAGE #1: Candidate will
- oppose abortion in all cases, even in cases involving rape or incest, or to save the life of the mother;
oppose any deal with Iran
oppose a carbon tax.

OPTION PACKAGE #2: All of Option Package #1, plus, candidate will:
promise to complete the wall on the Mexican border within 12 months;
promise to approve the Keystone pipeline.

OPTION PACKAGE #3: All of Option Packages 1 and 2, plus, candidate will:
promise to invade Syria;
promise to re-invade Iraq, or another country of your choosing.
*Prices available to qualified buyers on request.

Candidates are easily domesticated, so consider purchasing a candidate for that certain, special loved one. Order now and get a vice-presidential candidate for no extra charge (just pay shipping and handling).

Buyers must present valid proof of U.S. citizenship. Offer void where prohibited.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more