Written by Longfellow

Sunday, 5 July 2015


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As George R. R. Martin gets older and more probably closer to senility, the danger increases that, in addition to killing off your beloved and cherished favorite GoT characters in his hit HBO drama series, he will come for your family members, and slowly pick off the ones you love best, callously, methodically, unpredictably, mowing down your loved ones with whom you expected to grow old and never thought would be parted from you.

Don't get me wrong -- George R. R. Martin is not presently, I repeat, presently, killing off any of your family members, or children away at school, or your mother in the senior living facility, nor do we say he is about to begin to do so at this moment. But, were he to, we must ask, how much would we be willing to accept?

We have to consider how we will deal with this harrowing possibility.

It is true, George R R Martin represents a broad, national resource, as the font of all future Westeros lore, and so we must give him a wide berth and latitude for experimentation, as we do with all great corporate entities on which the interests of the many depend, limiting liability so that it does not devolve entirely upon the one controller .

There are greater interests at stake, and the situation needs to be handled maturely and judiciously.

But where do we draw the line? Mothers-in-law? - No, that is too easy. Second cousins? Ex wives? What about already old and ailing senior relatives, who in their decrepitude are more a burden than anything, or a handicapped nephew we don't see much of? What if Martin strikes down your father, mother or first born son in cold blood, before your eyes, gleefully -- is that too much?

These are not idle questions.

I mean really, how much slaughter and loss are we willing to take at the hands of one man, however brilliant?

Look at what he did to Jon Snow, the hope of us all. And Sansa. Where does the carnage stop? How much must we indulge this reckless, destructive force in our midst?

Oh, you say, "He created them," "He has the right to take the life he has given," "He has his reasons which we cannot know." But that is a cop out. A cop out.

Martin is no mere private person, but a public resource. In a sense, I think, we feel -- correctly -- that GRRM belongs to us all. Just as we allow him wide legal room to maneuver and loopholes sufficient for a man of his heft to leap through, we also have a public responsibility to corral his excesses, and to regulate his activity in the interest of all, and limit the breadth and scope of the damage he can still do to the world he has created and foisted us into.

It is no mere game, no children's story, we are all affected.

As Martin's mind inevitably degrades, it is our responsibility to degrade his ability to destroy yet more lives in his mad rush to prove he just doesn't give a shit about our feelings, as he slowly destroys the entire world he created, as if for fun, unfeelingly revealing his true disdain for us all, and provoking us to respond with force.

For, let us be clear. The greatest menace to Westeros is not Cersei's machinations, or the army of the dead gathering ominously in the North to claim their rights - but a portly, selfish, squat man, with an unkempt beard, beady eyes peering through grimy spectacles, and a smelly hat, who in his capricious whim cuts down our dearest.

He may be creative, but it is his destructive side that promises to yield us greater calamity. We can go on without him, constructing from his notes and manuscripts a future not of carnage and desolation, but one of Hope.


by Rimbauld T. Longfellow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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