Balance to the Force - A Star Wars Tale

Funny story written by Michael Nanchanatt

Monday, 21 July 2014

Many people, fans of the original Star Wars trilogy, lambast the prequels of Star Wars movies as trash and not deserving a space next to such giants in film. They criticize the poorly thought out characters, the abundance of origin stories, an unlikable main character who eventually becomes the villain without too much disappointment, Jar Jar Binks, the stupidity of many characters, that Gungan who the protagonists save in the first prequel, the death of the coolest characters in the first prequel, the Gungan senator, and how some characters did not die (i.e. Jar Jar Binks) amongst many other reasons. That being said, you might think it unfathomable to believe that any person could come up with another complaint to discredit the movies that tarnished their childhood favorites. For God's sake, some fans even criticized how the CGI in the newer movies made the new films look better.

However, emerging from the recesses of Star Wars prequel complaints, hidden away for that day where one sensible person could discover it, a new issue has arisen. Buried underneath the mammoth piles of grievances regarding the prequels, some valid, many idiotic, lies the true gem of stupidity. A shining paragon of lackluster thought that the prequels exhibit. The crown jewel of foolishness. The opus magnum of all insipidness. The Damn prophecy.

Starting from the beginning, the Jedi are looking for some kid that would fulfill a prophecy. The Jedi Masters at the time of the first prequel obviously can't communicate with the maker of this prophecy by the lack of any advice from outside sources while they deliberated on whether Anakin should be trained. Ultimately, the Masters decide that despite breaking a ton of rules that were made far before their time, they would continue with Anakin's training by the man who himself was just an apprentice. This is not the problem though. The Masters decided to trust some random prophecy that said some person would balance the force and believed that some random kid on a desert world might actually be the one. Not once though did they check whether the consequences of this prophecy would be in their best interest.

Let's think about this. The main events of the first prequel have just ended. Darth Maul's halves have descended a seemingly useless and random bottomless pit on Naboo, and Qui Gon Jinn's body ceremonially burns. As Yoda and Mace Windu converse, they point out that wherever there is one Sith, there must also be a master. Given this, these Jedi Masters have no reason to believe that there are any other Sith in the Galaxy. In fact, none of their conversations suggest whatsoever that they even believe there could be more than just one more Sith in the galaxy, and in spite of this, the council decides it is in their best interest to have the boy who will balance the force trained. The boy who will Balance the Force . At that point, in the story, there are literally tons of Jedi. They command respect and fear across the galaxy. Just in Coruscant alone there are thousands of Jedi all over the place. That doesn't even take into account the thousands of Jedi in temples or academies on other planets or on different diplomatic missions. So once again, let's reevaluate the potential of this balance the force idea. One Sith, thousands of Jedi; one Sith, thousands of Jediā€¦do the Jedi really want one Sith, one Jedi or even thousands of Sith and thousands of Jedi? Simple mathematics would reveal that unless the Jedi were becoming tired of their dominant position in the galaxy, they might want to shy away from training a man who would even the scales.

Had any Jedi had the foresight to realize the predicament the Order was in, the solution would not be too far. Strike him down. Strike Anakin down wherever he may be. He could have been in a council meeting, eating his lunch, just waking up, anywhere would be a good location to kill the future harbinger of destruction.

So here is one more grievance to throw into the fray. A scale that should never have been balanced.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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