Champions Of Mumsnet

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Tuesday, 20 May 2014


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Back and to the Left news revel in our roles as champions of the people so when we heard about mum of two, Sam Ross, not being allowed into the cinema with her 11 week old daughter we hit the roof! Then we rubbed our heads and decided that getting a house we could stand up in had to be the aim for the year. We met Sam in a park in her home town of Cambridge.

Hi Sam and we see you've brought little Ava with you. How sweet. She's like a designer handbag to show off to everyone!

I'm not sure I follow.

That's Ok. So Sam you took Ava along to a cinema and were asked to leave?

Yes. We were told we would be breaking....sorry....shuu shuu.

Ava's sure got a set of lungs on her hasn't she?

She just gets cranky like any other....shuu shuu mummy's here.

So if...-Our question was drowned out by more incessant wailing from the child.

I'm sorry I didn't catch that, can you speak up?

We said- Once again Ava released a howl we've only heard in graveyards before.

Shuu, shuu, shuu.

Why do you think they didn't want to let you into a cinema with a baby?

I really don't know.

Maybe it's because babies cant do anything but scream and shit themselves and the last thing anyone wants when they've just paid ten quid for a cinema ticket is a screaming shitting baby been within twenty feet of them?

Sorry I missed that. Can you just hold this while I change her?

As we held the babies garments a local Mumsnet editor sprinted past shouting at us (it wasn't the first time, we aren't on the best of terms with them)

"The cinema can be a great place for a new mother and a small baby!"

She screamed as she ran towards a group of schoolgirls to shout at them about breast feeding.

We pondered what she said for a moment. A cinema could be a great place for a mother and a new baby. If the baby liked sitting perfectly still, enjoyed the dark and loud noises while confusing images flash up on the screen, all in the company of strangers. Then yes it could be a really great place for them, I mean babies like that sort of thing right?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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