With No Dick

Funny story written by walter

Friday, 7 February 2014


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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About 5 billion years ago, earth came into existence. Some billion years later, life emerged. Additional changes resulted in creation of the first organisms. Next, plants and animals, carnivorous and non-carnivorous, appeared. Then, a new species was born, called Homo sapiens. This odd animal inherited the original traits of the beasts of the world.

According to Freud the id, or rather the animal, is " the dark, inaccessible part of our personality… the source of our bodily needs, wants, desires, and impulses, particularly our sexual and aggressive drives." Id is always cruel, just like all the beasts, including the gentle lamb.

Of course, ids of the world are not alike. Western ids have been able to meet their biological needs much better than Middle Eastern ids. Obviously, Western ids, work hard from dawn to dusk, to buy the goods and services produced by the super rich, called the capitalists, who proudly enjoy being aggressive. On the other hand, non-Western ids are conditioned in a manner that they take life as transient and worthlessly brief, but whatever they produce is taken away by a gang of cruel impostors that promise to send the stupid ids to Garden of Eden to have intercourse with numerous charming females.

Sadly, the latter ids know nothing about the fact that their body begins fermentation immediately after death and their body rises in the form of a gas called Methane, CH4, which, ironically, happens to have no dick.

Regardless of the original strategy, we always find, in the animal population, a 10% aggressive people, including the imposters, who usurp power. In other words, the lambs have never been able to withstand the tigers. If there has been a predator fall, it has been toppled by another group of predators.

Another factor Freud mentions is Super Ego which "reflects the internalization of cultural rules…". This Super Ego is mainly formed by a set of standards coming from three main religions of the world: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Christians as well as Jews firmly believe in Old Testament and New Testament. The three main religions do share a lot.

Since we expect nothing but bloodshed from a predator, the entire governments of the 2nd animal kingdom have had nothing to offer to the gentle lambs of the history other than death and destruction, but, sarcastically, lambs of the world seem to take pleasure in being eaten up by the tigers.

Although communism was supposed to feed the lambs well, but, USSR allegedly collapsed, while China, a pilot study, never friendly toward USSR, has been able to get along fairly well with the world-wide capitalism.

After the successful acid test of China, soon a Taliban Emirate will be formally admitted into UN along with other rival groups such as United Shiite Sultanates of the World, including, Syria, and a fragmented Iraq and Lebanon, or United Arab Sunni Emirates of the World, including Libya etc. Of course, all need to be totally disarmed of all WMD and long range artillery! Wonder if the ids of regions, after the reshuffling, will be able to buy peanut butter from Jimmy Carter Farm or Vodka from Russia!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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