An introduction to Hip Hop

Funny story written by Szandor Menzies

Saturday, 28 December 2013

Hip Hop originated from people stealing instrumental sections from other people's songs, and then talking over the stolen instrumental sections.

For example, our Lord and Saviour Puff Daddy recorded the song "No Way Out", (dedicated to some fat man), which "samples" the introduction of "Every Breath you Take" by the Police.

Not only did His Holiness Puff Daddy "sample" another person's song (the word "laziness" springs to mind), but Saint Puff "sampled" The Police (also known as Sting and friends).

If His Grace Puff Daddy is Jebus, then Sting is God. The Supreme Being Sting got his moniker after he was told he looked like a bumblebee. If this isn't proof of his divinity, then I don't know what is.

The Almighty Sting has the power to construct songs which use the same notes throughout, which is almost as repetitive as his concern for the environment (he is, however, the Creator, so I'm sure he'll do something about it instead of just playing at concerts with Archangel Bob Geldof).

So when God the Son Puff Daddy "samples" divine songs such as "Every Breath you Take", he's disrespecting God the Father Sting, which I consider blasphemous.

The lyrics to Hip Hop "songs" consist mainly of swearing, references to illicit drugs, misogynism, references to weapons and using said weapons, violence, berating the police, or simply complaining about one's life.

With music like this, it's difficult to see why Hip Hop didn't catch on immediately, especially with such a creative and not at all stupid name like "Hip Hop".

When well educated Americans are unable to "dig" (as they say in the rap community), a genre of "music" which originally stole other people's music, advocates all lyrical topics which I have listed above, and has a glorious, god-like name, I think it's time to pump poison gas into all public buildings, and start the human race from the beginning.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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