Here is a synopsis of last night's talk shows -
THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO: Jay opened his monologue with 73 Anthony Weiner jokes, 49 Edward Snowden jokes, and 3 Los Angeles Lakers jokes.
Jay later welcomed Congresswoman Michele Bachmann from Minnesota who hardly anyone in the audience recognized. She started talking about being staunchly anti-gay and everyone suddenly remembered who she was.
Kobe Bryant came out dressed in his Lakers uniform and demonstrated to the viewing audience the art of ball hogging.
Leno closed the show by saying that tomorrow night's featured guest will be Anthony Weiner.
LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN: Dave opened his monologue with 74 Anthony Weiner jokes, 51 Edward Snowden jokes, and 19 jokes about PED (Performance Enchancing Drugs) as related to baseball.
Madonna made an appearance dressed as Miley Cyrus and many in the audience gasped at her atrocious gall. She soon eased into her Madonnaesque mode and shot the finger at Dave 13 times.
Jay closed the show by saying that he is going to try and do his very best to get the skank (Madonna) to retire.
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE: Jimmy opend with 4 Anthony Weiner jokes, 3 Edward Snowden jokes, and 39 Matt Damon jokes.
He revealed the extremely intimate details of his recent wedding night
The hip hop band The Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle Chumpz performed their new hit song, "Say Yo Bitch, Doncha Be Dissing On My Bitch Ya Hear Me Bitch."
Jimmy closed by saying that he would like to apologize to everyone for the Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle Chumpz using the "B" word 143 times.
LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN: Conan said that his writers could not come up with any more new Anthony Weiner or Edward Snowden jokes so they wrote him 17 Oprah Winfrey jokes instead.
O'Brien finally explained exactly what in the world it is that makes his hair look so ugly.
Paris Hilton appeared on the show wearing a low cut T-shirt that simply read "I'm Hot!" She then started talking and revealed what everyone has known all along and that is that the fake blonde is absolutely clueless when it comes to 93 pecent of things.
Conan closed by saying that he is sending $75 to the bankrupt city of Detroit.
LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON: Jimmy came out dressed as Ke$ha, complete with half a pound of face glitter and sang a medley of her hit song.
Later in the show he performed his favorite song "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" by Cher while dressed as Cher.
Jimmy then revealed to the audience that he really enjoys singing songs by women cause he gets to wear bras and panties underneath the outfits.
He ended the show by saying that tomorrow night he will be dressed as Ann "Trigger" Coulter and he will spend 10 minutes acting like a complete horse's ass.
LATE LATE NIGHT WITH CRAIG FERGUSON: Sorry no synopsis is available as I fell asleep 17 seconds into the show.
