Written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 10 June 2013

image for JFK Airport Security Guards Justify Workday Naps
Time for a nap?

Confronted with the evidence (photos of napping on the job), the security guards had a variety of responses about their behavior, when interviewed by reporter Gail Farrelly from TheSpoof.com. Here's a sample:

-- "I catch a few winks during the slow hours, so that I'm ready to be extra vigilant during the busy ones."

-- "Sleeping isn't allowed on the job? Really? I have to check this out with my union rep."

-- "That's not me in the photo. It's just someone who looks like me."

-- "Go away! I took this job so I could get a little shuteye."

-- "Now you did it. Woke me from a great dream. Thanks for nothin."

-- "I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my eyes."

-- "Oh, for Pete's sake. Get with the program! I'm tricking possible perps into thinking that I'm sleeping. I'm ready to pounce if they misbehave."

-- "Big deal, so I made a mistake. I took a sleeping pill instead of my No-doz. Haven't you ever made a mistake?"

-- "Not my fault. I can't help it. It's like what Ernest Hemingway once said, I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

Interviewer Farrelly has told friends that she intends to continue the investigation with more sleeping guards as subjects. She'll do things a little differently, using the technique recommended by the late comedian George Carlin, who advised, "So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'"


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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