Things I've Learned & Things I Should Not Have Forgotten

Funny story written by KRS

Friday, 27 April 2012


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These last longer than the food

Relax, I'm in good health as far as I know. I've just been reflecting that I'm closer to my unscheduled departure time than to my scheduled arrival time. In that, I was just thinking about things I've learned, things I have forgotten and things I should have learned by now, inspired by a note from a friend. Here are a few…

Life isn't fair, but it's the only game in town - ENGAGE. You want fair - take the bus or go to Des Moines Iowa in August

Your employer will not take care of you when you are ill. If you are worthy, your friends and family will. If unworthy, pack your bags for Mogadishu.

You don't have to win every argument to maintain fidelity to yourself

You have eternity to be dead but only an undetermined finite amount of time to live; which is of greater value to you? Maybe today is the ideal time to start that list…you think?

Everyone makes mistakes; even you. Seen an avocado lately? Poor design, but still desirable by many

Misery is often a state of mind. So is happiness - You choose; column "A" or column "B"

Cry with someone. It's more cathartic than crying alone and there's always the remote chance of make-up sex

Make peace with your past so it won't fuck up the present - you can't change it anyway

Haiku is high art - texting is bottom dwelling whale dung

Don't compare your life to others. You have no clue what their journey was like.

If you're doing something you don't want anyone to know about; STOP doing it in all likelihood.

EVERYTHING can change in the blink of an eye

Be appreciative. Believe me; if you are reading this, things can always be worse

Get rid of almost everything that isn't meaningful

Light those candles, open that bottle of wine, use the satin sheets or wear the diaphanous lingerie. Don't save it for that "special occasion." Today is special and tomorrow may never come and my phone number is (612) 823-0000

Over prepare, then let it be

Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear opposing striped clothing or different colored socks!

Contemplate every misadventure with these words; 'In two years, will this matter and will I laugh?'

If living your life on a daily basis isn't challenging enough and you need to rush home to watch "Reality TV," you should take a good look at yourself in the mirror and have a chat.

Forgive but never forget.

Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

However good or bad a situation is, if you are still breathing, there is one constant - things WILL change

Believe in possibilities; the certainties will always take care of themselves

Get outside every day. Wonders abound

Try yielding a little more, especially with the ones you love

Life may not be bound with ribbon, but it's still a gift with an undisclosed expiration date. Try making that the first thing you think about every day

As sole proprietor, you should be cognizant that you have been ensnared in the pernicious and insidious machinations of capitalism when your Smartphone is intellectually superior to you.

Sacred cows are best served medium rare, with mushrooms and cheese on a sesame seed bun.

When you follow the herd, all you can be certain of is the bullshit you find yourself immersed in.

The secret to understanding success in life and order in the universe is recognizing the importance of timing and the natural sequence of events; horse followed by cart, foreplay then coitus and finally trough followed by politician. Also understanding that three card Monte is rigged, maintaining your vigilance when a woman agrees with you more than once a month and a free lunch often includes norovirus helps.

My dog is the only thing on earth that holds me in higher esteem than I do myself.

Understanding is what persists when all the knowledge I have learned has been forgotten.

Never be afraid of trying something new. Remember, Noah only built one thing in his life, but seasoned professionals designed and manufactured the Edsel.

The history of human endeavor reveals a proclivity to myopia that recognizes the snowball, but rarely the avalanche.

It has been said that the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, therefore just because nobody complains, doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Stupidity is not a handicap; these days it's a god damned birthright!

In a society of free markets and free elections, organized and well-funded special interests always defeat the disorganized democracy of the individual voter.

History is analogous to painting; events, intrigues, assassinations and wars are the colors of the palette applied by select few people to the canvas and critiqued by an palatine menagerie of anointed scholars influencing each generation to a consensus of the import. Commonly, the next generation takes a distinctly different perspective of the aggregate, redefining the relative significance of the components.

If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, under what delusion are you operating that makes you believe you will find the time and or money to repair it PROPERLY when it fails?

We must rely not solely on the microscope but so too the telescope when plotting our course in social intercourse.”

The collective mind is often a defective one. Think of all the words that commonly precede and follow the word mass... malignant, murder, hysteria, mayhem and destruction.

When someone we deeply care about dies, we lose their physical presence, but never the memories of what we shared – we carry that with us for eternity… it is the immortal gift of loving.

When in doubt, make the next step a small one… and probably backward. The corollary: If you find yourself in a hole you have dug for yourself – quit digging immediately and reassess without the use of a shovel.

Simply because there are fewer footprints along the road less traveled does not imply it is a path leading you over a cliff.

You have eternity to be dead but only an undetermined finite amount of time to live; which is of greater value to you? Maybe today is the ideal time to start that list… you think?

Everyone makes mistakes; even you. Seen an avocado lately? Poor design, but still delightful.

“Evangilantes” and other zealots are self-exhausting; passion is eternal.

No one in their right or left mind likes to be rejected, least of all me, but rarely should you allow that to be the last word on the matter.

Make peace with your past so it won't fuck up the present – you can’t change it anyway.

Be appreciative. Believe me; if you are reading this, things can always be worse.

The most important sex organ is the brain, even if it isn’t the one that’s doing all the hard or not so hard work.

Believe in possibilities; the certainties will always take care of themselves.

Your children only get one childhood – share it and relive it with them as much as possible. Think of it as a do-over with foresight and with a playmate a little like yourself.

If you are touching screens more than people, you need to re-prioritize your life – NOW!

A splendid education is a valuable asset, but a sterling teacher illuminates the path to infinity!

THE BAD NEWS: You cannot fix broken people; make them appreciate things, to love, to understand, to validate or to even comport themselves with civility. Your control is limited by their willingness to allow you in. THE GOOD NEWS: That doesn’t matter. What is of consequence is you cared enough to engage in the endeavor. THAT DOES MATTER.

When you do something for someone with the expectation of receiving something in return, that is referred to as consideration in the law and is an act of mercantilism – never to be confused with kindness.

Never be fearful of an open mind. Your thoughts and emotions will not escape like compressed gas from a liberated vessel.”

“Negotiation never certifies triumph; it is rarely arbitration, but adamantine isolationism is almost a surety of failure.”

Civility, courtesy and respect for others is not political correctness, but opposition to “political correctness” is an artifice and rationalization of prejudiced, intolerant, and self-anointed elitists.

Arguing with foolish people becomes your Passport into their domain, where they are far more familiar with the terrain and the inhabitants.

A consummate teacher is not engaged in instructing students what to think, but to inculcate how to think – imbuing in them the enormity and eternal value of the enterprise.

It is a myth to assert Donald Trump is not a believer in religion. He is a devout practitioner of autolatry and worships daily.

As I waste my breath complaining, I would be better served by remembering somewhere, someone is taking their last one.

If you recognize you are familiar with a faux pas, let it be a clarion call to fully engage and snap out of your state of mental lassitude or have another pack your primary and reserve chutes.

Mistakes should never be old friends and if the pattern continues, you have embarked on a slippery slope of Himalayan proportion and the momentum is not propitious.

All manmade systems erode/corrode if allowed to persist unattended. Or restated, " If it has more than one moving part or involves more than one person, the device or endeavor will require maintenance/accommodation to function properly. The only thing I can imagine that does not require regular attention is death.

Man, in the loosest definition of the word (nee testicles), is inclined to attempt damn near anything conceivable long before understanding the dynamic principles! It’s probably coded on the “Y” chromosome somewhere, because young boys will routinely engage in lethal endeavors, devoid of any thought process. If we survive into adulthood, our mere survival is internalized as wisdom not serendipity and we arrogantly graduate to more insane enterprises. There are exceptions; it was Marie Curie and not Pierre that initiated the experiments with Polonium/Radium BUT she survived him by almost three decades! Dogs don’t do these things and neither do salamanders, BUT MALE Homo sapiens DO. On occasion we survive and our folly is illuminated, but more often we die, become maimed or go back to philately. The survivors are occasionally immortalized, but objectively we should recognize the enormous role kismet and karma play in our (ad)ventures. That includes walking on the moon.

My rule of thumb: Always be cautious. even suspicious of a person that does not have a dog. Either that person recognizes a fault in their personality, is incapable of recognizing the fault in their personality or their dog recognized both and moved on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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