SCRANTON, PA --- A staffer to Republican Party presidential primary candidate, Rick Santorum thought it was only an Etch a Sketch he accidently left in a cab. Only, after entering the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company where his boss was to give a speech did he realize it was Santorum's entire 'playbook' for what he would do if elected President of the United States.
Taxi driver, Julian Assange (no relation), a Ron Paul supporter, plans "…to leak the documents gradually, till August if necessary."
Mr. Assange released an excerpt from "THE FIRST BOOK OF RICK."
MONDAY: Restart the Crusades (1 Tim. 1:18, 19)
TUESDAY: Sanctions against Canada for their support of Universal Health Care (Jer 30:17)
WEDNESDAY: Put the budget into surplus (2 Ki 12:4)
THURSDAY: Make English the official language of Puerto Rico (Cor.14:2)
FRIDAY: Ban same sex marriage (Prov 5: 18-19)
SATURDAY: Meet with Tim Tebow, Tabernacle Choir and Hallelujah Chorus (Acts 2:1-11)
SUNDAY: … and then he rested and listened to Genesis (album 14: track 2)*
* Jesus He Knows Me
The unidentified staffer is believed to be seeking sanctuary in Blessed Oliver Plunkett church in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.