Dirty Limericks by Gynecologists

Written by Brett Taylor

Monday, 2 January 2012


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We at The Spoof continually strive to advance public knowledge of important medical knowledge. Because of our lowbrow readership, this often means sneaking edifying knowledge into otherwise unsophisticated entertainments.

Therefore we hope to aid the public health situation by turning over our popular dirty limericks column to gynecologists. Our guest columnist this month is Dr. Charles Thadway Entwat, a practicing ob-gyn from the Baltimore area.

Take it away, doctor!

We doctors are well known for our generous warmth and expansive humor. Naturally, it's quite an honor for a serious physician to write for The Spoof.

I well remember my early decision to become a gynecologist. I decided upon this career for a very humanitarian reason. Basically, I love vaginas. Vaginas, vaginas, vaginas. Ah, fragrant vaginas, ah sweet vulvas, ah the smooth feeling of Bartholin's glands! Not to mention the slippery feel of vagina mucosa. Yes, sometimes I think my wife is tried of hearing me talk about it. She's a sensitive one, and often breaks down in tears.

I also recall when I announced my future career to my astonished parents. As I described my sudden interest in the the texture and structure of vaginas around the world, they stared in amazement. The deafening silence from the dinner table showed that they were stunned with pride and happiness. It was at our yearly family reunion.

Without further ado, I present some classic limericks. You will see I have greatly improved them by clarifying their anatomical and medical content.

There once was a whore from Nantucket
Who'd suck any dick but not fuck it.
She went down all night
But her vagina stayed tight-
Nonetheless she contracted granuloma inguinale and died early.

There was once a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
While her breasts showed signs of the scarring commonly associated with intraductal papillomas.

On the moors Kelly walked in a daze
There she'd bark at the moon and the haze
Still her friends weren't concerned
Which is unfortunate, for she suffered from secondary amenorrhea as the result of Polycystic ovarian syndrome.

There once was a plumber from Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said Stop your plumbing,
I feel like I'm coming! He said, Don't worry,
It's only an internal widening caused by pelvic engorgement.

A randy marsupial named Reeves
Spent some time with the whores 'tween their knees
When they asked how he liked it,
He'd say "Madame,
The reproductive anatomy of a koala is quite incompatible with that of the normal prostitute of the vicinity of Sydney."

I hope you have enjoyed these as much as I do. Until next time, be sure to practice those techniques that involve relaxing the pubococcygeal muscles. You'll thank me for it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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