Higgs boson - The 'god Particle' explained

Funny story written by Proffitt

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

image for Higgs boson - The 'god Particle' explained
Equivalent to Higgs boson

By now most people will have heard of the so called 'god Particle,' but, do you know what it is or why people are trying to find it?

Here is a brief explanation of its worth to mankind and what might happen if we fail to find it:
Just like the similarly named comedy duo that reopened Mumbles pier in 1998, the Higgs boson particle has never been seen. It exists in the minds of leather elbowed boffins who are pinning all their hopes and fears on its existence.

To put it in a language many people will understand: Imagine particles to be like babies born to single parent families on a council estate. In the beginning they weigh almost nothing because Mum smokes crack and has little to spend on food; however, feed burgers, curry and Chinese takeaway to the baby and it inevitably adds weight. Higgs boson is fast food for particles because it adds mass to every single particle in the known quantum universe, or so the boffins say.

It's called the 'god particle' because like the clergy most people who believe in the particles existence are highly likely to be kiddie fiddlers.

The standard model of physics envisages some 12 building blocks all held together by 4 forces those being: the force of nature, the four horses of the apocalypse and force of brute. The last force is Higgs boson which is why it's vital it's found, because without it everything in the universe could literally unravel!

It's hoped Higgs boson will be found on Tuesday this week using the Large Hadron Collider. The collider will be firing billions of supercharged protons, the size of small peas at super hardened 3 day old cereal flakes on breakfast bowls. These fakes are known to be 3 times harder than diamonds and twice as hard as little Alan McNish's Dad who is a black belt in Fung Ki.

If spotted boffins hope to lure the elusive Higgs boson in to a trap using a wire cage, some cheese and a trail of breadcrumbs. Once in there a fast volunteer boffin will close the cage door thus trapping Higgs for all to study.

Protesters are already starting to gather outside the area where the tests are likely to be carried out. They are holding placards aloft that read: 'Leave Higgs alone' and 'Higgs in innocent.' However, most people couldn't give a tinkers cuss whether Higgs makes an appearance or not, provided of course the X Factor song makes it to number one at Christmas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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