Sex Change Not All It's Cracked Up to Be Says former UK Man Now a Lap Dancer in Pattaya!

Written by Morse

Friday, 23 September 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Sex Change Not All It's Cracked Up to Be Says former UK Man Now a Lap Dancer in Pattaya!
"Kim" on a rare day off at the beach in Pattaya!

A former UK citizen who chose to change his gender in hopes of landing a better job, now says he has second thoughts about his new profession in Thailand where he toils nightly as an exotic dancer entertaining Germans.

"I've always been a gay lad, but not in a gay way, I was just happy go lucky an that, but I got bored 'back 'ome', same old stuff night after night said "Ken," Out with the lads to the pub, drink yerself blind, wind up in some alley with a bird bent over with her knickers down to her ankles wit me trying to stand steady and get a wee bit without falling either on me arse or all the way in...sickening really, innit?"

"Then the mill shut down...tighter than your wife's cunny after just 1 year of marriage..wot to do, I axed!"

"The riots finally done 'er for me! Grabbed wot I could fit in the back of me Mini, sold it all off for a pittance and headed for Thailand, fancied a bit of the sun, fun, and good life I did. Always wanted to play a pirate, I did, even as a wee lad!"

"Well, there weren't much work for a fine, slim lad like me there, let me tell yer.
And no crumpet neither. Them was all taken up when those plane load of tourists showed up. As many as 125 of those cheap cattle cars a day settin down in Bangkok...funny name that, innit, all looking for the same thing, and they had money too! Bastards!"

"I started studying what was going on, trying to figure out how a smart, gay lad like me could turn my life around and make some money, while still getting a good tan and havin' some fun. Well, it dawned on me! I was slim, in good shape and brunette...the only thing I was missing was a good set of TITS!"

The rest of the story is pretty predictable. With Thailand's advanced medical technology, a sex change and a nice pair of honkers was not only cheap, but relatively painless and was funded by the State's Employment and Tourist Bureau.

"Ken," now "Kim" said his life has changed, but not necessarily for the better.

"Oh yeah, I'm makin' money an all that, but being a lass isn't all it's cracked up to be, not with being expected to dance yer arse off all night, smile pretty, and spend 5 minutes at a time sittin' in some old Bastard's lap and rubbing your tits against his bulbous nose!

I mean, the French are bad enough, but them Germans! Christ man, they really get steamed when they pull down me pants and find Ole Dexter lookin' them right in the eye...royally pissed they get....Fuckin' Germans, they never could take a joke; no sense of humour t'all!"

And what's next for 'Kim' as she tires of her idyllic island life?

"Well, see, I've been buildin' up quite a followin' on FaceBook...been friended by lots of
guys who say they appreciate my mind 'n all....and even a few pretty hot lookin' women, if truth be told! A psychic even told me I had a bright future and she wants to meet me! Go figure, eh?

"Been invited to a Bunga-Bunga party in Italy next weekend, all expenses paid, and an offer for a Mediterranean cruise after that...I think I might just travel for awhile, but I dread the thought of getting back in those 6" Jimmy Choo shoes...and the migraines...sometimes the PMS gets me and I just have to chill out!"

"You get used to the sex too, kinda gives ya a different perspective...most of the time I just lie back and dream about me old life back 'ome...kinda nice not havin to do all the work for a change, innit?"

Kim summed up her new life in one word before heading out to the tanning booth and the hair stylist, "PRICELESS!"

Who said you can't have it both ways?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more